dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
