I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i think my cat just said my name.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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