9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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