My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His nipple licking is glorious
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