so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
