If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Come see our sink grown plant.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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