id be glad to
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
