I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
