i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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