The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
