forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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