I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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