ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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