Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
