I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And then my night got REAL pukey
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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