Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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