I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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