Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
