Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
porn star boner night. come get it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
