Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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