Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
