Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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