I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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