this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
