apparently the secret to your success is patron
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
