make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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