I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
