Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
