Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
