I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
