she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize