would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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