i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
