so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
