NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
