I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
