Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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