OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
