im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i now understand why vodka
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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