Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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