just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
