oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
be right there i have to get my cape
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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