You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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