Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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