y did u give ur computer a hand job?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize