her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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