I'm lost and stupid without you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
