I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
