Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
