the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
