Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
