omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
