the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im part way to drunk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
