its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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