Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
