Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
