Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
