he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
