It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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