my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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