I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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