she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
as a side note pls kill me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
