its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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