no. you can't hotbox the world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
