Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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