Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
